Archive for the ‘Newsletters’ Category

Encouragement Tips from Pat – August 2019

Posted on 08/30/19 by Paulette Fewell

As I grew up in church, I learned how to pray. The strange thing is that when I was developing my prayer life as a young man, it was by trying to sound like the grown men praying. The result: I became a prayer parrot! I said the things that men said in church when they prayed. It surely sounded a little strange when, as a young teen, I prayed things like: “Guide, guard and direct us until we meet again.”

I think that a lot of us who grew up in a church also learned what to say when bad things happened to people or when you go to a funeral home for a visitation. The problem is that some of us have not revised those ideas and discovered a more personal approach to loving people as they suffer.

Over the past few months, Pat has spoken at some local churches about how to encourage people. Over the years, she has learned to follow the Spirit’s lead and to speak and act with empathic love. She is an effective speaker for two reasons: (1) she is passionate about and experienced in ministering to people struggling with faith when life becomes difficult, and (2) she recognizes that there is no perfect thing to say or do in such situations.

Through her experiences and with faithful reflection, she has learned some things to avoid saying and doing. She follows a guiding principle: do not allow your involvement to make things worse for people. Below are a few of her suggestions that might be helpful as you develop your personal style of encouraging people in crisis.

Things to Remember:

  • A compassionate silence is always better than meaningless words. Don’t feel the need to fill the gaps in conversation.  You are not there to fix the problem.  You are there to love, listen, pray, and support.
  • Acknowledge the pain the person is feeling. Don’t try to make them feel better.  Don’t respond to their pain with a sentence that begins with “At least….”
  • If you are willing to support them prayerfully over time and reach out to them in service, let them know and then follow through (if not, do not offer to be there for them or to pray for them).
  • Share something that you would like to do for them. Suggest bringing food, running errands, helping with a chore at their home that needs attention (be specific).
  • Reach out to them after the intensity of the crisis. Meet for coffee or lunch when things calm down. Follow up with an invitation and show up ready to listen.
  • Make a calendar of anniversaries of deaths, births, etc. and send a note every month or at the one-year mark.
  • Form a prayer group and let that person know they are being prayed for. And keep in touch about how the group can pray specifically as things change over time.

Avoid Saying:

  • “Just think positive—it could have been worse.”
  • “This is going to make you so strong!”
  • “This will go away” or “This will get better soon”.
  • “I know how you feel.”
  • “Just think positively.”
  • “This is a terrible hospital”, or, “I do not like your doctor.”
  • “Let me tell you the bad things that happened to my friend when they were diagnosed with that!”
  • “God was ready for your loved one.”
  • “God must have needed another angel.”
  • “At least they lived a long life.”

I recently performed an informal graveside service at a family cemetery. Before, during, and after the service people shared stories and feelings. I spent a lot of time listening to people in their grief. There were things that people said that I sometimes thought to myself, “I wish they had not said that.” I kept silent until two of the children both shared how almost 40 years ago, when their father had died, well intentioned Christians had said things like, “The Lord must have needed your dad in heaven.” After all those years, those words still haunted those two children. They separately shared how they still felt hurt and angry, not just towards those who had spoken the words but at God for needing their dad more than they did. I apologized that such words had been spoken and then spent time listening to their old and new grief.

I keep thinking that if more of us were willing to say less and to be a loving presence in a crisis, perhaps the power of love and genuine concern would help ease the pain of suffering and God would be glorified.

We need to be reflective about passing along the things we learned growing up. We need to put ourselves into the other person’s place and consider how things would sound or feel. That might change our minds and our behavior in a moment of opportunity!

If you think that Pat speaking at your church or to a group of your friends would be helpful to encourage other encouragers, please let us know.

 We exist through the generous financial support of the friends of Encouragement Ministries. I have enclosed a card for your convenience if you would like to help us this month. It makes a difference.

 

Save the Date!  Our 2019 Evening of Encouragement will be held on Tuesday, October 15.  Your invitation will be coming soon.

 

 

 

 

 

July 2019 Newsletter – Encouragement in the Valley of the Shadow

Posted on 07/28/19 by Russ Corley

Through the years of my work with EM, I have had many conversations with people about death. Some were facing death; others were dealing with the death of someone they loved. These conversations are never easy, but they are important. The way we talk about death is shaped by our understanding of the meaning of life.

As a minister, I have been honored to witness the deep faith of many who believed in Jesus as they grew to love and trust Him more while walking with Him through the valley of the shadow of death. Let me share a story that created my deep desire to work in such situations and eventually led to the formation of EM in 1990.

My first conversation with a dying patient happened during the early 80s while I was a minister in Columbus, OH. I learned about ministry in hospitals by visiting patients with my friend and spiritual mother, Barbara Young. She was the first to model for me listening with compassion, sharing a scripture that spoke to the situation, and the power of prayer at the bedside of suffering.

After a referral about an out of town patient, I began to visit a young man at OSU Hospital. He was in his late twenties and had brain cancer. When I first met him, he was in his bed, standing on his head with his feet against the wall because this position brought some relief to his headache.

During our first conversation, I found out a few things about him. One of the most important pieces of information was that he had grown up in a small country church and had a little faith in Jesus, but that faith seemed to be waning as he faced cancer.

On subsequent visits, we talked more about what he believed and about his questions. Often, I did not have strong answers, but I would listen, share scripture, and pray with him. Over time, something began to happen in him. His faith in Jesus became real and personal. For a while he improved and went home in rural OH.

When he came back a few months later, the cancer was growing worse and the pain was intensifying. He called and asked me to visit. I saw him often over the next few weeks. He was getting sicker, but his faith was growing stronger.

We now had two anchor passages: Psalm 23 and 2Cor. 4:7-5:21. Each visit, we would read one or both of these texts. We would talk about what they meant in light of his life and the reality of his approaching death.

He shared with me some personal things about people back home. Some of them he was forgiving for hurt that they had caused. Others were people that he cherished deeply. A few were both. He talked about the things that he was learning to appreciate with deep gratitude. He shared what he wanted me to say at his funeral.

When he died, I drove down winding country roads to the small church where he grew up. On the day of his funeral, I spoke using both texts and sharing some of the beautiful reflections that he had shared with me.

When I finished, many people talked with me. What I shared included things that they had never guessed about this young man who was introverted and shy. They were surprised by the depth of his faith and feelings, his courage in suffering, and his tender heart towards people in that small town.

There are other kinds of conversations that occur in the face of death. Some people are terrified, others are very sad to leave people that they love, and some are angry at God for not healing them. Still, most of the conversations that I have shared with people, became an expression of the confidence of David when he wrote, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” When we discover the reality of the presence of the crucified and risen Jesus in the midst of our suffering, we realize that there is a hope that cannot be destroyed by death.

Pat and I thank you for supporting us in this work. Your generous giving, your referrals and your prayers sustain us and create the opportunities for conversations about faith, not only in the valley of death, but across many of life’s toughest situations. In the midst of suffering, the strongest faith is formed.

Encouragement Ministries, Inc. is a 501(c) (3) nonprofit organization. We exist through the generous financial support of the friends of Encouragement Ministries. If you would like to make a donation to help our ministry continue, click here. It makes a difference.

June 2019 E Newsletter: What Comes to Mind When You Think of Encouragement?

Posted on 06/30/19 by Russ Corley

Click June 2019 E Newsletter: What Comes to Mind When You Think of Encouragement?to read the June 2019 E Newsletter:  What Comes to Mind When You Think of Encouragement?

May 2019 E-newsletter: Lessons of Encouragement on a Baseball Field

Posted on 05/30/19 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the May 2019 e-newsletter: Lessons of Encouragement on a Baseball Field.

April 2019 E-newsletter: In Memory of Judy Flatt

Posted on 04/29/19 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the April 2019 E-newsletter: In Memory of Judy Flatt.

March 2019 E-newsletter: Listen in Love

Posted on 04/02/19 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the March 2019 e-newsletter: Listen in Love.

February 2019 E-newsletter: Learning to Trust Jesus, My Shepherd

Posted on 03/01/19 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the February 2019 e-newsletter: Learning to Trust Jesus, My Shepherd. 

January 2019 e-newsletter: When God Uses the Thing That We Call Small

Posted on 01/23/19 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the January 2019 e-newsletter: When God Uses the Thing That We Call Small.

December 2018 E-newsletter: We Are Grateful for Your Prayers and Financial Support

Posted on 12/12/18 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the latest e-newsletter: We Are Grateful for Your Prayers and Financial Support.

November 2018 E-newsletter: A New Lesson in Encouragement

Posted on 11/14/18 by Russ Corley

Click here to read the November 2018 e-newsletter: A New Lesson in Encouragement.